When the boys were babies, old men and women would "ooh" and "ahh" over the handlebar of the stroller at my angelic sleeping child and say “they grow up so fast” a million times. I’d kindly nod my head and smile, exhausted from lack of sleep and counting down the days to the monthly Moms Night Out when I could drink way too much and pretend I was 25 again—of course paying for that decision for hours the next day. At the doctor’s office, I was having small talk with a nurse and inevitably the conversation comes to children—"Do you have any? How many? What are their ages?" I shared my sons’ …

Milestones that are met by our children are documented and recorded—our child’s pediatrician informs us of when those milestones typically happen based on recorded data that coincides with a particular age.  Baby should be rolling over at six months old, walking at around one, at three years old should be able to speak in multi-word sentences and by four years old should ride a tricycle. Every parent has expectations of their children crossing milestones around the same age that they themselves crossed that milestone. Walking. Talking. Loosing teeth. Grandparents are called to confirm, “Do …

Growing up my mom would often tell my sister and I to "watch out for each other".  When the two of us were on our own, without her parent supervision, she would enforce this rule for us to stick together. As children going to a sleepover at my cousin’s house these were the words she would say as we opened the car doors, it continued into our preteen and teen years when she would drop us off at the mall to hang out with friends or go to a party.  I’m sure if you psychoanalyzed the situation it had a lot to do with her own upbringing, my mom and her sister often had to count on each other …

It's a struggle for every parent to instill in their children thankfulness and gratitude. Every year before family arrives for a birthday party or Christmas dinner I have to have the pep talk with my children that goes something like this, "Even if the gift you open isn't something you really wanted you must smile, look the person in the eye and say thank you." I have this talk because my oldest son, L, is on the Autism Spectrum and one of his unique qualities is that he doesn't have filters. He doesn't have the ability to lie, he can't comprehend the little white lies that we all say in …

For parents with kids on the Autism Spectrum, there are many experiences that we have to miss out on due to large, loud crowds. Children on the Autism Spectrum can be over stimulated easily and being put in an environment with a lot of people can lead the child to having a meltdown. My oldest son is on the spectrum and though the meltdowns have become fewer as he’s gotten older, instead over stimulating environments effect his attitude. He becomes “snippy”, short tempered, quick to argue with his brother in other words not pleasant to be around for the rest of the day. We don’t take advantage…

  On a beautiful fall day, I notice a group of children discover a dead squirrel lying in a parking space on the side of the road. I've seen these children playing together on the corner playground after school each day, their age’s range from kindergarten to third grade. At first they stand around the squirrel talking about it, staring intently. By the looks on almost all of their faces, it seems this is the first time that any of them had seen something dead, in real life. I am mesmerized by the children and stand back from the group wanting to see for myself how this is going to play out. …

  Blaring from the television set the election results are announced, my wife and I are curled up in our bed with iPhones and laptops frantically refreshing the four webpages that we are watching for results. The difference between us and almost every other household in America—we aren’t waiting to hear who is going to become the next president but to hear the outcome of Question 6. At some point I realize that I’ve been clenching my jaw for 15 minutes. Facebook and Twitter are on fire once President Obama is projected to win, we are still refreshing webpages. Waiting. Hearts racing. Trying …

  “Mommy what is this… vote for Question 6?” my youngest says to me on our way out of the door to school. “Um, it’s a yard sign. Come on we are running late. Get your book bag.” “But what does it mean? What is Question 6?” he asks with urgency. I pause. It seems like every important conversation happens when we are rushing out the door or driving and I can’t focus. This time I stop in my tracks because I realize in this moment that school can wait; this is an important conversation for our family. It deserves my full attention. “You know how when you take a test, there are a bunch of …

  One of my dear friends just had a baby, her fourth. She’s an experienced mom who has gone through the trials of motherhood. She knows the sleepless nights, has mastered nursing in public, and she already knows how to use one hand to feed herself while nursing her baby and correcting an older child’s homework at the same time. None of this is new for her. In a way though, it is. This time the bundle of love lying in her arms is a boy! As an (ahem) experienced mom to two boys, I have this urge to fill her with advice. I had to stifle myself when I was at her house for a visit to meet the new …

We are coming up on the one-year anniversary of the death of a dear friend of mine. I met Monte in college. He was flamboyant and loud and, as a freshman away from home, I was both terrified and fascinated by him. He had a voice like a gospel angel and wasn’t afraid of conducting a public performance, wherever that might be: Walgreens, a bar or restaurant or randomly in the middle of the sidewalk in New York City where we both went to live after college. When his spirit was moved to song… he sang! Monte struggled with cancer and died too young at 39 years old. I've been thinking about Monte a…

  Almost weekly my oldest son, L, who is on the Autism Spectrum has a new career that he wants to be when he grows up. His career dreams used to last much longer. We had an entire year of him wanting to be an engineer, then he dreamed of being a scientist. His longest running dream career yet has been an astronaut, but it was recently was overthrown by being a soldier. It's hard to explain his desire to be a soldier. We aren’t a military family, and we don’t know anyone currently in the military. He doesn’t even have a cool uncle in uniform that he looks up to, who comes to family functions…

Children on the autism spectrum can have unique interests. My son, who is on that spectrum, has gone though many phases. Some have lasted longer than others, and not every one has been socially acceptable for a boy. The train and superhero phase was pretty easy to accommodate, but when he decided he wanted a butterfly birthday party one year, it was not exactly easy to pull off for a boy. I’m not proud to admit that I convinced him to go a different direction and recycled some of the leftover superhero decorations from the year before. Accepting your special needs child doesn’t happen …

Many of my friends are having babies, and it’s a reminder for me that our children really do grow up fast. In ten years I doubt my son will say, “I wish mom sat on the sidelines more while I played baseball.” I want my children to remember the time we spent together. I want them to look back on their childhood summers with a smile on their lips. I spent the beginning of summer rushing from one summer camp to another trying to coordinate pick-ups and drop-offs at the same time in opposite parts of town. I was exhausted, and I caught myself snapping at the children every morning as I stressed …

“What is this?” my 7-year-old son asks, pointing at the computer screen, which has my Facebook news feed displayed. “Oh that’s Facebook,” I reply nonchalantly as I come over to help him log on to a math computer game. “But why am I on it?” The look in his eye stopped me in my tracks and I am instantly reminded of a NPR story I heard recently about keeping kids safe online. The story featured James Steyer, founder of Common Sense, an organization that helps parents decide which kinds of technology, movies, television shows, and apps are age-appropriate for their kids. The entire story was …

My parenting journey began in New York City when I was living in a predominately Haitian neighborhood in Brooklyn. Every day I traveled to work on the 2/3 trains, my belly increasing in size and the rising summer temperatures of New York becoming unbearable (especially on the trains that did not have air conditioning).  When I would get on the train in the evening in Union Square, the Haitian women would already be well adjusted in their seats, traveling from the Upper East Side, likewise tired from taking care of upper class Caucasian children and their high-maintenance parents. The Haitian …

Children on the Autism Spectrum often find it difficult to process information gathered through their senses to appropriately react to them. My oldest son, who is on the Autism Spectrum, has such a Sensory Processing Disorder and struggles with a sensitivity to noise that usually prevents him from enjoying music. Last year he wore noise-reducing headphones in his mainstream music class. A classmate made fun of his headphones and now he refuses to wear them. He then grew his hair long to cover his ears to muffle the sound around him. My son looks "normal"; he acts "normal" most of the time. He…

I pull into the pick-up lane at the school, scanning the running children for my two sons. I see my youngest, Z, playing tag with some other kids in his class, laughing and yelling the children’s names as he runs away from the child who is deemed “it.” My oldest son, L, who is on the Autism Spectrum , is sitting alone eating his snack, staring off into the distance, as if the children running and laughing aren’t within mere feet of him. He never turns to look at them or watch their game. He sits and stares. This veteran-special-needs-mama knows what this behavior means … He didn’t have a …

I was standing in line waiting to pay at the grocery store, lost in thought as I often was during this time. I clearly had a dissatisfied look on my face. The cashier gave me a smile and said, “Oh come on, it can’t be that bad.” “I’m getting a divorce,” I replied flatly. Everything seemed to stop. I couldn’t hear the beeping of items being checked out, the music playing over the speaker system was suddenly quiet. The words left my lips before I had a chance to realize what I was saying. I hadn’t really admitted it to myself yet, but I knew in my heart my marriage was over, and here I was in …

A moment that I had thought about, prepared for, dreaded, and denied for the better part of 20 years arrived this weekend when Barbie crossed our threshold in her 1/4” stilettos clutched by my 3-year-old daughter’s hands. We have a "marble jar" system in our house to remind me and my husband to use positive reinforcement whenever possible. The kids get a marble every time they do something we’d like to see continue (e.g., share, get dressed, not kill each other), and when the jar is full, they are entitled to something of their choosing.  After months of working toward their goal, they …

When our toddler learned the word "no" (which they tend to do fast) I tried to find ways to get her to do the things that we still needed her to do, like brushing teeth, taking baths and eating the occasional vegetable.I asked other friends what their methods were and most of them centered around some kind of responsibility chart or reward system.  When I first embarked on this idea a few months ago, I felt a "true" responsibilities chart (like the kind you buy in a store with chores and magnets that correspond to the chore) might have been a little over her head. One friend who had such a …