Well, I'm out of here. I have reluctantly left College Park for the summer, in favor of more humid pastures: I'll be in Florida, writing vulgar things for the Miami New Times, and, long story short, I want to thank everyone for putting up with me. You put up with me when I whined about how college students don't know anything but pretend they do, and when I endorsed vigilantism, and when I attacked the defenseless "World Carfree Day." When I messed up, you told me, and when I didn't mess up, you gave me a bunch of "likes" on Facebook. It's exactly what I was hoping for — a conversation. I …

Last week I wrote a column that claimed — in the headline — that "UMd. students might do more than just drink." I really, honestly thought at the time that the university had gotten a bit of a bum rap, that we really were doing smart things. Apparently, someone decided to prove me otherwise. Emily Lang is a 21-year-old agricultural resources and economics major, according to The Diamondback. You may have seen her on the news recently — she's the drunken mess clinging to a tree in front of Cornerstone Grill & Loft after spending five minutes biting people, kicking police officers and generally…

I've never been much of a holiday guy. New Year's creeps me out, Valentine's Day is usually far more depressing than it is romantic, and even as a kid I didn't understand the appeal of traipsing around town to get Halloween candy when my mom was dishing it out from our own front porch. And last week, when it seemed like everyone I know went home for Easter or Passover, I chose to stay in College Park rather than take a bus home. The way I figured it, I didn't have a reason to go home — I don't like candy, and the resurrection of Christ can be just as easily acknowledged in Maryland as it can …

Every one of my friends has a Facebook account. Granted, I only have three friends, but I don't remember a time I went to request a friendship with someone and discovered they weren't on the site. On a campus where everyone disagrees with everyone about something, Facebook is always the common denominator, and I use it a lot. I put up, on average, about two updates per day, plus around four posts to friends' walls and photos. If someone took the time to stalk me, they could learn a lot from my Facebook presence. A quick glance at my profile and he'd find out that I like Dumb and Dumber and …

Growing up is weird. In a few short years, I have gained the ability to drive, vote, enlist, drink, and consent to horrible things like legal contracts and intercourse. I am frequently left befuddled by the notion that I am one of the "grown-ups" I used to see around town, visiting home after being away at college. They were so old! They knew so much! I'm still a kid, and I don't know much of anything. But I've noticed that, given this newfound adulthood, my friends are... starting to use it. The people who not too long ago were cutting class and watching stupid movies with me in the middle …

I've been thinking a lot lately about Justin DeSha-Overcash. Drug dealer or not, he certainly didn't deserve to die in his basement over some money and weed. With all the news flying around about two men being arrested in connection with his murder, I've been rooting around the Internet for info, and the first thing I found was on what appears to be the Facebook account of Stephan Weaver, the man accused of being the getaway driver. The murder happened in the afternoon of January 11. Just after 6 p.m. that day, Weaver changed his status to "PG county is way to crazy for me." Well, now we know…

I wrote a column last month whining about how the only real book store in College Park is the University Book Center, run by Barnes & Noble in the Stamp Student Union. Their management must take a lot of business cues from my columns, because they then came out and said they'd be renovating over spring break to make the store more "shopper-friendly."  This means new flooring and a new furniture arrangement, which sounds lovely! But if you read down a little farther into the Diamondback's story about it, you'll stumble upon an innocent little clause at the end of the ninth paragraph that says…

Anyone out there fill out a bracket for the women's NCAA basketball tournament? I didn't either. It's not because I have anything ideological against women, or women's sports, or women's rights, or women's suffrage, or women's anythings. Women's basketball is just... not as fun to watch. So I don't. Does anyone else? Two of the women's tournament's first-round games were played in College Park, including one in which the lady Terps trounced the team from St. Francis, wherever that is. I'm trying to articulate an argument for ignoring the games that's better than "I was watching something …

Well, the Terps missed out on the NCAA Tournament with their entirely expected loss to Duke in the ACC Tournament. It's disappointing, but there's also a certain sense of relief — now I can move on to caring about something else with the lusty but superficial gusto I always muster up for things like sports tournaments or watching ants race across the sidewalk. The last time I got excited for something I didn't really care about was the 2010 World Cup — I'll root for the United States in any competition anywhere ever, and our men's soccer team started winning, and then that one guy scored that…

The people over at Looney Labs have given me hope. Somewhere over on Indian Lane in College Park, six employees go to work and design card games. It's not clear to me how these six people divvy up the work of coming up with ways to have a great time, but I'm sure it beats emptying septic tanks. "Living the dream" can mean many things. For the purposes of this column, the phrase refers to the particular dream that involves going to work every day and doing something cool and being content with your life because you don't have to waste away slowly in a dead, gray cubicle. It seems to this …

College students are full of opinions, passion and outrage — about the Middle East. About Gmail. About, um, something to do with the chairman of the Democratic Governors Association getting press coverage. We're young and idealistic and we know how to use the Internet. And it's making us look... dumb. It seems to me very silly to write, under the presumption that people care, on things about which we know essentially nothing. I say "we" rather deliberately because I'm sure I've been guilty of this offense on numerous occasions. But I try to keep my columns to things I know about — synthetic …

Sorry everybody, but it looks like the Maryland liquor tax is going up — by about a dime a drink, according to Mike Miller (the state Senate president, not the brain-bruised Miami Heat guard). The move will get the state about $200 million in additional revenue, according to the Washington Post. An extra $200 million? At a dime a drink? That's 2 billion drinks in Maryland a year — seems a bit low. Let's ask Google. If you expect this column to yield actual, legitimate conclusions, you should stop expecting that right now. Details of Maryland's 2010 Census returns hasn't been released yet. But…

Used book stores are cool. If you don't agree with this sentiment, you probably won't get much out of this column. If you agree, please — open up a used book store in town. College Park has a built-in population of at least 50,000 university types who read things every day, to say nothing of the surrounding area. Plenty of folks would get something out of the deal. Maybe they're not fans of the textbooks and classroom drudgery they are forced to read, but I don't think I know a single person in school that doesn't read at least one book per year that is simply of their own choosing. It's a …

I don't know how many businesses are on Baltimore Avenue, but the answer is certainly greater than one — which means the thief that struck the Bamboo Eater Tuesday evening definitely had more lucrative places to choose from when he decided to get his rob on. Anywhere. Anywhere but the weed store. How much money could they have had on hand? They opened a store that they said catered to students and then planted it miles away, where most students can't really get to it. Also, the owners said they were having trouble opening the store because neither of them had cars. If they can't buy a '91 …

I've always wanted to test the rumor that claims asking for "change for a penny" at Madam Flora's fortune-telling joint on Route 1 is the code phrase to get access to a mysterious brothel network — for journalistic purposes of course. Well, the Prince George's County Police did just that in December — they sent two undercover cops in to try the saucy line, and it didn't work. The Diamondback's Ben Present wrote it up, quoting Madam Flora "spokesman" Larry Miller as saying "sometimes you just get these quacks that want to come in and say stupid things," in which it appears "quacks" refers to …

When the police get jittery about a basketball team playing a rival, something has gone wrong with either the police or the citizens. Around here, it looks like a little of both. The Maryland men's basketball team is set to play Duke on Wednesday. As you may have heard, the last time the Blue Devils came 'round to play a quick game of hoops, there was a bit of trouble. I don't understand the motivations behind all the festivities following the March 3 men's basketball win over Duke. I enjoy basketball. I wear the T-shirts, I'm at the games yelling, I nod to Jordan Williams when I see him …

It finally arrived! Wednesday was the day The Diamondback announced the 2011 Readers' Choice Awards, which are like the Oscars for seedy, run-down joints where people are occasionally stabbed and/or bludgeoned and pepper sprayed. The eight-page special insert is a practical guide to great deals and quality businesses in the D.C. area accessible to everyone. Either that or passing out meaningless accolades is a cheap way for the on-campus student paper to sell giant THANK YOU advertisements. I can't tell which, but one thing is clear — whoever was voting in this thing hasn't left his dorm room…

UMd. students returned to classes yesterday, ready to embark upon another enriching semester in the noble halls of academe. Oh, except for the freshmen and sophomores. According to a new study, they're probably not doing much of anything. Welcome back, students. I'm glad to have the company. You guys should see the weirdies that were stumbling around the campus between semesters. But you've missed plenty — most of it sad and violent. Prince George's County has been working hard to become the locale for the next Grand Theft Auto video game, notching 14 murders since New Year's. One of these …

As the parents of two young children, my wife and I frequently find ourselves talking about schools and education — especially when we’re around other parents. In fact, we discuss this topic so much that, whenever the topic is broached, I can usually predict how the conversation is going to progress and what its outcome will be — usually. Every once in a while, though, we hear a parent make a comment so off-the-wall that it makes me wonder whether I ought to be more concerned about what my kids will be taught outside of school. For example, during a recent conversation about education with …

As I'm sure you're aware, on Dec. 14, Bloomberg Businessweek compiled a list of "the best places to raise your kids" in the United States and College Park made the list. In case you missed it, here's what Bloomberg said about our fair city: "Home to the University of Maryland, College Park was developed starting the late 1800s. Part of the city is part of the Calvert Hills Historic District, and a number of historic sites are in the area, including College Park Airport, the oldest continuously operated airport in the world. According to longandfoster.com, many families move to College Park …