Patch is heartened to herald a handful of happenings this weekend, two-thirds of which start with the letter "H."

Friday:

University of Maryland Homecoming festivities have been in full swing all week, but the real fun kicks off Friday afternoon with the Homecoming Parade, which will begin in lot 2A, and continue past the Main Administration Building. The parade begins at 4 p.m., and will last until 5 p.m.

Afterward, check out the post-parade party in the Colony Ballroom at Stamp Student Union from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. Then march across the street to Ritchie Coliseum and behold the Homecoming Step Show at 7 p.m. After that, go straight home and go to sleep. You have a big day tomorrow.

Saturday:

No, it's not in College Park, but the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear is a scant 30 minute jaunt down the Green line.  In a call with the Diamondback, Stephen Colbert anticipated that the event would be nothing short of generation-defining, and we're inclined to believe him.

The rally starts at noon, but you will want to start your journey long beforehand. If possible, leave now. Yes, now. If you arrive too late, I predict the closest available standing room will actually be back in your house in College Park. Even then, you may have to share your living room with a troupe of sweaty hipsters who hitchhiked down from Poughkeepsie, so consider yourselves warned.

It should go without saying that Metro is the optimal method of transportation, since the Green line will take you straight from College Park to the heart of the mayhem at Archives-Navy Memorial.  According to TBD, track maintenance is scheduled for Saturday, so prepare for a long, brutal journey lodged under someone else's armpit. To get you through this trying time, mentally replay scenes of your favorite Stewart/Colbert moments, and start planning out tweets that will evoke maximum jealousy from your out-of-state friends.  

For more information on everything remotely Rally-related, check out TBD.com.

If you're opting to keep it local this Saturday, Homecoming Tailgating begins at 1 p.m. in all parking lots across campus. Pull yourself together by 3:30 p.m. and head to Byrd Stadium for kickoff against reviled Wake Forest. 

After the game, celebrate the Terp's incredible win (fingers crossed) by quietly creeping home, or at least out of College Park. Residents and the police will thank you.

For families:

Bring the little ones to College Park Youth and Family Services this Saturday for an afternoon of Halloween crafts, sponsored by the College Park Arts Exchange.

The event will be held from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. Youth and Family Services is located at 4912 Nantucket Rd.

A Place for Everyone is hosting their first annual Fun House at College Park Woods Swim Club, where kids and teens can enjoy, crafts, food and a haunted maze. Come in costume, because prizes will be awarded for best dressed.

College Park Woods Swim Club is located at 3545 Marlbrough Way. The event will be held from 1 p.m. until 3 p.m., and price of admission is $3. Visit A Place for Everyone's website for more information.

Finally, PGXtreme Teens will be holding fun (and safe!) Halloween dance at the Columbia Park Community Center in Hyattsville. Pre-teens ages 10 to 13 can come and enjoy music, dance contests and refreshments. The dance will be held from 8 p.m. until 10 p.m.

The Columbia Park Community Center is located at 191 Kent Village Dr. in Hyattsville. Visit the Xtreme Teens website for more information.

NOTE: No tickets will be sold on the night of the dance, so grab yours today at the Columbia Park Community Center. Ticket cost is $2 per person.